What the #$*%!????? So I’ve been a big sucker for this stupid Vonage IPO for the past two weeks. I bought into Vonage a few years ago and I have mostly felt that its a pretty impressive service (even though their customer service kills me, and my office phones don’t always work, and if I didn’t know how to reset a router my wife wouldn’t be able to make phone calls, and if my dog bumps the damn thing it resets, and sometimes it doesn’t understand numerical key presses correctly, and you have to talk to someone in India for far too long before you can prove that you know how a router works, and - oh darn - did I say all that? nevermind)

In any case… they offered stock to us early adopters at the IPO price as a good faith gesture and I fell for it. I can’t afford much so I ponied up for the smallest number of shares they would let me request.

All day today they’ve been sending me emails about how the IPO was imminent and really got me hyped up. Each email gave me the option of bowing out at the last minute if I got cold feet, but I stayed the course, hoping for the best. The potential for a quick cashout was there.

So finally the email came - just a few minutes ago.

Today, the initial public offering (IPO) price for Vonage’s common stock was set. Please go to the Vonage Customer Directed Share Program website for details and login to learn whether your conditional offer has been accepted and the number of shares, if any, you have been allocated.

I logged in right away and was forced to click through 3 different screens with very serious language all making my blood rush. It felt like a drum roll was playing in my headphones…. the IPO is launched… the shares have been distributed… here’s that prospectus one more time… lucky you… you get stock at an IPO PRICE!… on the next screen you get to find out how rich you are going to be… you will see… on the next screen… how many shares you got… are you ready?…. when we tell you to… click the button…. not yet…. ok…. NOW (oh and by the way, you may not get all the shares you wanted, if any) IF ANY??? SURELY I GOT SOME!!!

Screw off Vonage. You are going down by the Skype anyway.

Update Wednesday morning: Vonage shares fell 14% at the debut. Well hah. I guess someone was looking out for me.

“when i rub it, i feel like dr. evil” - anonymous

Never allow someone at your bank or phone company transfer you to another department. Get the direct number and call them yourself.